I woke up and started my normal routine. I made coffee and then got cozy in my favorite chair next to the fireplace. I spent some time thinking and then praying (maybe I should reverse the order) and then I did some reading and more praying and then I clicked on some worship music and sang a bit (scary thought I know - I'm glad it was just me and God and he may have even snuck in the ear plugs - who knows!)
...but it was there that God really broke me down...and I've been praying for this because I think I live a relatively emotionless life. It's weird to say but it's really true and I think there's a reason for it but never the less it's hard sometimes. I layed there in front of my fireplace crying. Wondering about all the things I don't get to experience because of this life that God has given me. Wondering about having a family and kids to share today with. I admit I felt a bit deprived. Sad that I was alone.
So I left. I went to this spot at the beach where I used to go in college and I took some books and my journal and spent the afternoon just reading, thinking and praying.
I came home a couple of hours ago and pulled out the meal that I picked up from the supermarket yesterday because I knew most restaurants would be closed today. Cooked it up (it was a Stouffer's roast turkey breast), opened a bottle of wine and had Thanksgiving dinner.
It was during dinner that I came to the place where I think God was leading me all along...and that is that I'm incredibly lucky. I really feel that way, and I am so thankful for the life I've been blessed with. These are the best days of my life. And in five or ten years when I'm married and have a few little kids running around I won't be doing the things I'm able to do right now but ya know what - I'll still feel like I'm living in the best days of my life.
I am excited for those days but what I realized today was how easy it was for me to think about what I didn't have and when I did that I lost the ability to be thankful for what I do have. If you're not living in the best days of your life - change your life! ...Or change the way you think about your life! You have the power to do both.
For the past couple of years God has had me be alone, and maybe that will continue, I dunno, but through being alone I've been able to focus all my time and energy in one area and hopefully accomplish some good and help some people. I don't know what the next stage will bring but I'm thankful for all I have learned, the people I've met, and the life I've been priviledged to live.
I'm thankful for you and for the ability to share my thoughts, feelings, and Thanksgivings with you.