So when I received an email last night about a quarl some people were having on OSP I decided to "go to the balcony" as William Ury describes in his book "Getting Past No" - which is a great book by the way! Ury talks all about conflict resolution and how to negotiate your way from confrontation to cooperation and the whole book is packed with valuable insight into how to approach difficult situations. Anyway...the idea of "going to the balcony means that you take some time away from the conflict situation and allow yourself to think through the issues without being distracted by the emotions...so I went to sleep and when I woke up I found this second email. I couldn't believe it - this is a super bummer that this person sent two emails 8 hours apart and didn't even bother to realize that maybe I was sleeping and that I might have 90 other nice emails flagged for response.
So I just want to encourage you all to take some time in your conflicts and "go to the balcony." ....because the number one rule in communication is that "you can't take it back." and once you say something to somebody the damage is done.As I've always said - I don't expect everybody to agree but I do want everbody to realize the power of their words and treat each other with respect and love and approach their life with a fun lighthearted spirit. Life is too short to take ourself seriously.
Live - Learn - and move on! :)
DJ
11 comments:
It is a shame these kinds of things happen. I have been on other forums where a great resource is lost because of some misunderstanding. I think you did the right thing by sleeping on it, unfortunately THINKING about things is not always taken in the right way. Live and learn.
So true.... Thinking before acting is one of the hardest things and I struggle with it daily. By giving yourself sometime to think, It allows you to calm down and think more clearly:) However, the great thing is that by saying I'm sorry, which may seem childish, still works. Believe me.... hehe...
There are a lot of threads like the one prompting that email. It's not only a matter of taking time away from emotion, but also discussing things 'selflessly' instead of 'selfishly'. The latter tends to degrade any discussion into a battle to win and be right about something. Not to judge, but to point out fact...selfishness bleeds through that email you recieved and in the relating thread in arguments designed to determine the "right opinion" rather than state a "different opinion". It's not easy and I'm guilty too.
It is certainly not great to have a public attack on anyone and I'm sorry for her sake that it took off to be a big deal. However, I am very glad that you posted 'Getting Past No,' I always look forward to reading more and you usually suggest great books.
What's that saying... "Reckless words pierce like a sword...but ...." Pr.12:18
Wise words ...and thanks for the book recommendation :)
My 'balcony' has been to say 'walk a mile in the other person's shoes first, and then see what you think'...
It'd be nice to see how someone likes answering your 500 emails each day ;)
Thanks for being a balcony leader.
Hey DJ,
Tough situation - we can learn a lot from tough situations, and remembering that quote from proverbs is a good way to go.
dj, i am so sorry i sent you that email. i now really feel like a schmuck! please forgive me... it won't happen again.
[ b ]
ps. i figured i should add this part to make sure everyone know i didn't really send that email. dj obviously knows the really identity of the sender, and i bet he/she feels a tad retarded now. life is way too short to get bent out of shape over the little things.
i realized a long time ago that i had the type of personality that people either love or hate. i realized that you can't please everyone so i stopped trying. in a community like OSP or DWF, where you have over a 1000 personalities in any one place, not everyone is going to get along... and that is ok. the dwf has a nice feature where you can ignore other users. it comes in so handy as i now don't have to listen to the negativity from about a dozen members over there. i am sure way more than a dozen members have me blocked too. oh well.
i love the way you handled this situation. you put your community first. that is awesome. you gotta cut out the cancer as soon as you know it's there.
I forgive you Becker ... lol....j/k...That's so smart to turn on the ignore feature! I think we have that too - I'll go check it out!
If an individual runs around shining a high-powered spot light in everyone's eyes...eventually they will encounter someone who holds up a mirror.
Two very strong personalities can be hard to mesh in the online world. Things can get heated so quickly. Esp when the two in question have had words with each other many times in the past.
DJ, Wow ~ I'm so not blog savvy... I didn't realize that things could get pissy on a forum like this. Becker is right, you can't please everyone and sometimes you just need to get over it and move on. I believe that if you speak from your heart, truly, genuinely, you can't go wrong no matter what anyone else thinks. Live, love and be happy! And go to the balcony when needed... Dawn
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